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My fellow Americans . . .I am Pro-Cup and am not out to take your cups, . . . but these tragedies are happening too often (sniff-sniff-whimper-whimper). There is NO NEED to have cups that hold so much water. In the hope that these efforts might possibly protect 1 child from getting damp, I am calling upon my fellow citizens to support:

1. the registration of these high capacity assault cups,

2. banning adding more than 7 ounces of liquid in any cup,

3. prohibiting assault cups from being carried near schools, businesses, and/or government buildings,

4. background checks for anyone transferring an assault cup,

5. summary seizure of your cups without a hearing if anyone reports you may misuse the cups, and

6. jailing assault cup owners, seizing their cups, and prohibiting them from ever owning another cup if they break any of these rules.

Remember, I am not about taking away your cup rights or seizing your cups. Trust me!

-Pres. Obama
 
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