In today's news, ISIS is considered a road stunt execution show to increase ratings this season. According to ISIS Marketing Director Achmed Malegoatmilker Hussein, ISIS has recently struggled with expanding audiences after single victim beheadings became passé. Audiences were unimpressed with multiple Christian beheading events, drowning victims in a cage, crucifixions of Christians, shooting people locked in cars with RPGs, and hanging victims. Mr. Hussein explained that after being inspired by Sec. John Kerry's explanation that the Middle East's conflicts would be best resolved by jobs, he created the show based on "common sense solutions for world peace as the traveling road stunt execution show will employ over 350 ISIS staff while at the same time removing from this world those the group has conflict." Our media outlet looks forward to this show and its spreading peace message to visit our area soon.
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