[4getgto]

 

[4getgto]

 

[4getgto]

 

[4getgto]

 

[4getgto]

 

[29 Chev]

A few that may make you chuckle

 

[29 Chev]

A few more

 

[4getgto]

 

[4getgto]

 

[4getgto]

 

[29 Chev]

A wife had invited a houseful of guests to Christmas dinner. At the table, she turned to her six year old daughter and said, "would you like to say the blessing?"

"I would not know what to say," the girl replied.

"Just say what you hear your mother say," the father suggested.

The daughter bowed her head and said, "Dear lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
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Colleen was on her way to her work party when she had a flat tire on highway.

She eased her car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully got out of the car and opened the trunk.

She took out two lifelike cardboards men dressed in trench coasts exposing their nude bodies and private parts. She unfolded them and stood them at the rear of her car facing oncoming traffic.

To her surprise cars started slowing down looking at her lifelike men. Traffic even started backing up. Everybody was tooting their horn and waving like crazy.

It was not long before a police officer pulled up behind her. He was not a happy camper.

"What is going on here?"

"My car has a flat tire."

"Well, what are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?"

Colleen could not believe he did not know , so she told him,

"These are my emergency flashers!"
..........................................................................................................................

Little Tommy was so excited.

He has been sitting at the window all day watching for Grandma to arrive for Christmas.

Finally he saw her! He opened the door to find her waiting outside on the step.

"Oh, Grandma, I sure am glad to see you. Now Daddy will be able to do his trick!"

"What trick is that?" Grandma asked.

"He told Mommy that he would climb the walls if you came to visit this Christmas."
............................................................................................................................................

One Christmas Mom announced that she was no longer going to remind her children of their thank you note duties.

As a result, their grandmother never received acknowledgments of the generous cheques she had given.

The next year things were different however.

"The children came over in person to thank me." the grandparent told a friend triumphantly.

"How wonderful!" the friend exclaimed. "What do you think caused the change in their behavior?"

"Oh that's easy, the grandmother answered. "This year I did not sign the cheques."

 

[Ingersoll224]

Having already downed a few Manhattans, she turns, faces the dude on the next bar stool, looks him straight in the eye and says, "Listen here, good looking. I will screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, their place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on. It doesn't matter to me. I just love it."

His eyes now wide with excitement, he responds, "Oh my God. I'm in Government too. Are you federal, state, or local?

 

[Ingersoll224]

This is worth a watch (have the sound on)

 

[29 Chev]

These may give you a chuckle -

​

A language instructor was explaining to her adult class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. "House" in French, is feminine - "la maison". "Pencil" in French, is masculine - "le crayon". One puzzled student asked, "What gender is a computer?" The teacher was not sure, so for fun she split the class into two groups, appropriately enough, by gender and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or feminine noun. Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation. The men's group decided that computers should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because: 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic; 2. The native language they use to communicate with another computer is incomprehensible to everyone else; 3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for Possible later retrieval; and 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it. The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("le computer"), because: 1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on; 2. They have a lot of data but they are still clueless; 3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they Are the problem; and 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you'd waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jenny's husband, Charley, was a "male chauvinist". Even though they both worked full-time, he never helped around the house. "Housework was woman's work!" But one evening Jenny arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of clothes in the washer and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove, and the table set. She was astonished. Something's up!! It turned out that Charley had read an article that said wives who worked full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired to entertain their husbands. The night went well and the next day she told her office friends all about it. "We had a great dinner. Charley even cleaned up. He helped the kids do their homework, folded all the laundry and put everything away. I really enjoyed the evening." "But what about afterward?" asked her friends." Oh, that was perfect too.........Nothing! Charley was too tired!" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

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[afarmboy]