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Always learning something!
1,284 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So I get a call from my wife and mom today telling me to check out my son's Facebook wall. Yes we have a rule that our kids MUST allow family and friends of the family to be "Friends" on it's not called spying or being a creeper, it's called PARENTING!

So jumped online and checked out his post.

{Now before I go further let me set the stage. My son and I have a great relationship (most days :D ) and we have an understanding.......his wall needs to stay clean and buttoned up tight whereas what he says behind closed doors or in private messaging is between him and whomever he's conversing with.}

Here's what I found on his wall:

"If someone does not appreciate this, I will let them know they are an a__hole. Somehow." -King of the River [a__hole was spelled out]

I of course text my son and said, "Hey, please modify your post of FB so "a__hole" is no longer needed. What you say in private messaging is between you and your friends but until you're running your own show please keep your wall clean. Thanks. Dad"

The day goes by without a response, then around 3 p.m. I get the following text, "If its very important to you then I will but I am just wondering why it's that big of a deal. I mean it's not really used in a crude way. It's a quote from someone else that was relevant to me."

Of course I responded BUT before I share my response I'd love to hear how you would have responded to him if he were your son.


Was the qoute relevant to something that was posted or just a random qoute? Maybe it his way of saying" don't mess with me today, I ain't in the mood for it"

Always learning something!
1,284 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Okay, great questions. He is 15 years old. Freshman in high school. There were no other posts that it was connected to. As of the end of the day he had only two "likes" and no one had commented on his status.

He's into fly fishing, fly tying, photography and cross country. He's active, bright and is eager to grow up and be on his own.

Collector of Rusty Junk
3,186 Posts
That's mild compared with the stuff my 2 nieces post. I have considered un-friending them several times.

Freedom is not Free. Thank those in uniform for yo
8,677 Posts
Well if it were my son and the deal was that he kept the wall clean then I would simply say we can do this the easy way or the hard way your choice. The deal was you keep your wall on FB clean and you are not fulling your end of the deal so either correct or I will. He knew that if I corrected it that would be the end of his FB experience until he graduated. I would simply block FB.

Premium Member
15,608 Posts
My Daughter is 14, 15 in May , Freshman also. I would tell her that it doesn't matter what the context, or who's quote. She know that using that kind of language is not allowed at any time. Once it's on the net, it can never be taken back and you never know who will see it in the future.

The other reason I would tell him, or her is that swearing doesn't change or add to what you are trying to get across to the other party. And in my Daughters case, she just know that it won't fly with her Mom or I.

BTW, my 14 yr old just got to get a FB account and my 12 yr old will have to wait until she is 14 also.

Always learning something!
1,284 Posts
Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Two things, how old is he, and was it a reference to the poem by Poet Laureate, Stanley Kunitz ?
Not sure....nice call though. Is this what you are referring to? I'll have to ask him more about the context when we see each other next.


J U L Y 1 9 7 0

by Stanley Kunitz

If the water were clear enough,
if the water were still,
but the water is not clear,
the water is not still,
you would see yourself,
slipped out of your skin,
nosing upstream,
slapping, thrashing,
over the rocks
till you paint them
with your belly's blood:
Finned Ego,
yard of muscle that coils,

If the knowledge were given you,
but it is not given,
for the membrane is clouded
with self-deceptions
and the iridescent image swims
through a mirror that flows,
you would surprise yourself
in that other flesh
heavy with milt,
bruised, battering toward the dam
that lips the orgiastic pool.

Come. Bathe in these waters.
Increase and die.

If the power were granted you
to break out of your cells,
but the imagination fails
and the doors of the senses close
on the child within,
you would dare to be changed,
as you are changing now,
into the shape you dread
beyond the merely human.
A dry fire eats you.
Fat drips from your bones.
The flutes of your gills discolor.
You have become a ship for parasites.
The great clock of your life
is slowing down,
and the small clocks run wild.
For this you were born.
You have cried to the wind
and heard the wind's reply:
"I did not choose the way,
the way chose me."
You have tasted the fire on your tongue
till it is swollen black
with a prophetic joy:
"Burn with me!
The only music is time,
the only dance is love."

If the heart were pure enough,
but it is not pure,
you would admit
that nothing compels you
any more, nothing
at all abides,
but nostalgia and desire,
the two-way ladder
between heaven and hell.
On the threshold
of the last mystery,
at the brute absolute hour,
you have looked into the eyes
of your creature self,
which are glazed with madness,
and you say
he is not broken but endures,
limber and firm
in the state of his shining,
forever inheriting his salt kingdom,
from which he is banished

Live long and prosper
6,791 Posts
I would tell him the rule stays in place and remove the item. You made the rule and must enforce it. You should also set a point in time, probably 18 or out of High School, when he is free to exercise his adulthood.

Good luck.

4,845 Posts
If it was my boy, I would have made a deal with him and said, "If you will go say this to your mother's face, and she doesn't slap the taste out of your can leave it up." :D :D :D

In any event, it's your hose and your rules. When he's out on his own he can make his own rules.

Super Moderator
54,603 Posts
I don't have a FB page and don't care to go there. But, a rule is a rule. You need to assert that now. No 'negotiations', no let it slide. If you really care about him, let him know where you stand. Back up your rules or there isn't any need to have any!

Super Moderator
5,800 Posts
I would tell him #1-it's the rule. #2-It's already upset your Grandma #3-I don't want my friends and family friends to see you posting stuff like that and embarassing your mom and I. which was the reason for the rule. When he's footing the bill, he can make his own rule. If there's any negotiation to be done, it should be done prior to the rule being broken!

Proud to be Deplorable
29,904 Posts
We have actually crossed this bridge here at the house. One of my children was making off handed comments to just be weird... You know the type, mildly humorous nerd that seems to get along with most.

I misread a comment that used a current vernacular (and in my defense, most of my generation would've) the final edict was that either it come down or the page goes away. No negotiation. After compliance, if you want to discuss it fine, but you're 13 and I know all your passwords...
At the very least, I can embarrass you with baby pictures and pics of you tomorrow morning with bed head until you realize I will win.

Inappropriate comment down, mature apology in its place. Later, a discussion occurred between people where common ground was found and more understanding and respect for each other accidentally happened.
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