Dude it takes a lot of give and take to keep a marriage going. Just have to find some common ground(no pun intended) and work it out.

 

My take on the issue is that I sure hope ya'll don't have a "whoops" pregnancy because you are definitely painted into a corner now.

That being said my wife has been pregnant eight times; one miscarriage, one son who died at six days old, two boys and four girls. I have talked with all the surviving kids individually and all together about if they would rather have the extra siblings or more "things"; all went with the first option.

 

Me and Momma only have one and that is the only way I would have it, with my sister and here kids she cannot afford we have our hands full. smart choice on your part to take care of the two you have well, your wife will come around sooner or later and probably appreciate you for you candor in the end. I told my wife no more kids one time and it took her two weeks to talk to me again.

Lauber1 is correct, give and take is what makes a marriage work, you give and she takes good luck and remember the smartest thing man ever said ---------Yes dear ------------------

Pete

 

Well the shop is warmer now. Think I'll blow up my air mattress, bed room door is locked and I was told to go away. Good thing I have a stock of wood in here.

I do agree about the "things" part. I grew up an only child. My dad didn't have a great job when I was young. We had a very tough time making it. We were poof. I never knew it. I was happy and had a great childhood. He didn't move up in his company till I was in my early teens. By then they decided it was too late for another. I do wish now I had a sibling sometimes but I respect my parents decision.

We have two wonderful kids. I love them to death and would love a third or 5th just as much but I want us to be able to provide everything they need and be comfortable.

Right now I have a great job. Make good money. But I am in the coal industry and we'll that's not the hottest going market right now. I have no college degree and no clue what I would do if I lost my job.

 

Ya this is a tough one right now. After things cool down in a while I think a calm and cool discussion between you and the the wife is in order. Sounds like she hasn't fulfilled her dream of a family yet. Sometimes women look at a family differently than we men do. Give and take is a big thing in making a marriage work. I wish you the best of luck. Roger.

 

Do you burn coal in your wood stove? I do. Sorry about your trouble. I really am no help to you. I have two wonderful kids. I am not sure why we did not have a third, but that was twenty years ago. Again, sorry for your trouble. Noel

 

Wow.... sounds like a woman thing, and being a dude you'll never figure it out so there really isn't no need to get yourself down for not understanding.

Being you asked. If it were me being in that situation I would stick to my guns, on keeping with the two and providing for them as well as you can and be financially happy. You mention you have a good job, but in todays world that can change in a heart beat. God willing it won't, but who knows.

Prolly not much help, but I'll stop there before I go overboard and stick my big foot in my mouth Wish you luck.

 

Well lets see here,

The wife not talking

The work shop is warm

At present I don't see a down side to this.

 

Done the couch thing.
I too was an only child. Not by choice, but by Circumstance.
My two older ones were all I ever planned on, wife wanted 4 or 5... We met in the middle by accident.
You would do well to listen. Promise her you will hear her out and really think it over if she will hear your side a week later.
Brace yourself for something like "I just feel like we are meant to have another". "I want to feel one more first kick". Practice hearing stuff like that without expression. Expect she will not want to understand logic and reason when she feels it in her soul she was meant to do this...
It seems Many ladies feel that having one more later completes them. Remember, we are wired different. It was in part why you fell in love. You haven't had this conversation before because you both assumed the other wants the same thing....

I won't have some of the trinkets later, my kids will have to find their way on their own a little more, and there is not one day that goes by that I'm not thankful for all three. The blessings of a child will save us all from ourselves.

 

I would have agreed to all the Wife wants, sneaked out and got a vasectomy and claimed impotency. Win-Win.

 

Sounds like you need to have a set down and talk after she calms down. Don't know how old you guys are I think that plays apart in things like this. But everybody needs to be on the same page so you have to know what's on the others mind.

Just my 2 cents

 

I can't offer any help. Never had a wife, never had a kid.

 

Sorry for the previous, I have 2 kids and I too feel that is enough as they will have husbands, wives, and kids, and now you have Grand kids and SNL's and DNL's. I wish I could get my kids to move out (29 and 31 years old respectively) and still living here. Let things cool down, Holidays always seem to amplify issues.

 

Ill be 31 and she is 25. We will talk about again when she calms down. Honestly she has never been this mad at me before. We have argued but never had her lock my out of the bedroom.

I know we are wired different. I hate to say it, it took me awhile to bond with the boy. I loved him the moment I seen him. But it took me awhile to actually bond with him. It was weird, I was never super excited the whole pregnancy. She was jumping up and down so happy when the test was positive. Me and little girl are really close and even now I worry about spending equal amounts of time with both of them.

She said she feels she is too young not to have another. But that is a poor reason in my mind. Am I too young not to be killing a 30 pack of beer a night? Am I too young to not go swimming with a concrete block tied to my leg?

the deal was as soon as the boy was born I was going tomget a vasectomy. I told her when we brought him home I was going to make an appointment with my doctor about it and she got mad.

and yes the shop is a nice 74 degrees. Air mattress is comfortable and watching some stuff on netflix.

Im going to call dr phil!

Thank you guys for the positive messages.

 

1. Keep talking about it with her. If she or yourself starts to get angry or raises their voice, start over later.

2. Throw logic right out the G.D. window when dealing with a mother who wants another. (I did the spreadsheet argument once, when she got done with me Satan was telling his buddies 'watch out for that guy, he's an a-hole')

3. If you bring up the word 'responsible' when arguing your side, watch out. You're talking financials, I know. That isn't what she hears, though. You're challenging her, in her opinion.

4. Try talking long term goals with her. See if either of your views have changed recently. If either of yours have, try to discuss why that happened, and whether you need to re-prioritize.

5. Always let her talk first. She gets emotional, and you might actually find out something totally not related to your immediate family that is causing an issue. For instance, a backstabbing sister in law that gets her kicks from stirring up chit just before holiday gatherings to make her effed up family seem better. Oops, sorry. Back to your situation.

This last one won't help your current pickle.

6. Never leave. Not angry, and not because she told you to. Let her know you're committed. Don't let her lock a bedroom door. Let nothing come between you. Doors are cheap, don't be afraid to break one. (something my youngest found out two years ago during a 'running away from home' hissy fit.

 

Old house..solid oak door with huge ass hinges and might be a jail cell bolt for a lock..I think I might need my maul or chain saw to get thst sucker opened.

you make some valid points and suggestions Cat.

 

Had to pipe back in, I can't take it anymore.

Dr. Phil is a money hungry quack. The wife used to watch the crap, use to.

Don't anyone on here have a set? Everybody is like "wait till she calms down", "it'll get better in a couple days". You have feelings also, and it's your house to, your bedroom!!! And your the one outside?

I'd be taking the door off the jam, kids lock themselves in their room, not adults. It would be a cold day my wife locks me out of anything.

Yes, if anyone wants to know, the wife and I get along great. We are in our 50's and happy. I just don't go for the "poor wife BS".

My 2 cents....

 

you make some valid points and suggestions Cat.

Well, it's because I'm always right. The hard part is the wait time between when I say it and when the wife realizes it.

:bigrofl: :bigrofl: :bigrofl:

We need a 'check over the shoulder' smilie.

 

We have one son and that was enough. We did that for him because my wife and I each had 2 brothers that have been huge pains all their lives. My 2 BILs left a huge mess for my wife and I don't talk to my brothers. Our son has been spared alot of grief by being an only child.

You are trying to be rational. Unfortunately, many young people have been taught that they are entittled to what they want. I found with the women that I have known that they want what they want and consequences are someone else's problem. As the husband you just have to be patient.

I would suspect that she may already be pregnant and is upset that you wont want it. That may explain the reaction. Good Luck, Rick

 

Sounds like she is already prego. All I will add is happy wife, happy life.

 

The last two fellas being up an interesting point. Or maybe she was and something went wrong. We had that happen here as well, very difficult time for her. I was trying to play catchup big time with the emotions.

Even being a few days late can start the mind going in different directions.

 

Drs. Phil and Laura have done a huge disservice to the mental health progfession by getting on TV and showing everyone they're. egos. If real councillors act like that to you, quickly go find another.

 

A lot of interesting and good advice. Need to figure out what will work for you.

My first thought was the same as the last 3 out of 4 posts - or even a couple days late on the calendar. In any case - she's would have been thinking about things for days or weeks and may have it sorted out in her head. As a guy, you get 2 seconds to choose the "right" reaction. In your dialogue, did she have a chance to mention this with the possibility of a positive outcome?

We have two boys and feel very fortunate that two kids were what both of us had envisioned. We were in our mid to late 30s when the kids were born. Now they are teenagers. You two are a lot younger.

Parents and kids bond in different ways. My older son is a wrench-head and we love to build things. My younger son is more domesticated, loves to cook and we love to sing together - but that only started recently. In my opinion, equal time with both children isn't required or balanced. Some kids want to come to you, others want you to come to them. I know it's in the instruction manual, but we lost theirs during the chaos when they were born.

 

I don't think she is already pregnant. She is breast feeding and unless she is hiding something she has been taking her pills. I just went to the pharmacy earlier this week for them.

She is talking to me now. Nothing out if the ordinary this morning. Probably because I made breakfast

 

I think the way you do on that one tmt84 I would not bring more in to the world than I could not give the very best to. You can't have everything. maybe she will come around to facts.